Internet dating: it's 2009, get into it? or not on your life?

Yet again, another post prompted by a conversation with a friend.

I swear, in 2009, she's the only person I know who still gets overtly judgmental when even happy, productive and healthy couples have met online. For me, this takes things a little too far. There are, quite simply, a lot of factors in the world today that prevent people from forming relationships, romantic or otherwise, and that it is understandable that people use technology to bridge that gap.

Now, don't get me wrong, I agree that there are problems with internet dating. It does take something special out of the process of romance, and it can certainly overly sexualize the experience. However, I think the bigger problem is the fact that, online, throughput is so high that we tend to commoditize our potential mates. She's a doctor? Plus 3! He's bald, minus 2! He seems smart, but that GUT! Her politics are on point but her face pics are blurry. It's a big mishmash of the sexual, the intellectual, the professional, and it just feel a little dehumanizing to objectively break someone down into their respective pluses and minuses and evaluate their dating potential all before ever laying eyes on them (at least a version that hasn't been converted into 1s and 0s).

All of that being however ineloquently stated, I quite simply believe that the social institutions that once existed for building relationships are breaking down. When I was graduating from college I was petrified. The way in which I had always interacted with people, my mechanism for building friendships and romantic relationships, had always been school. Other students shared some of the basic tenants for a relationship: maybe shared goals or interests, similar political opinions, life goals. We had things in common, classes and teachers for one, that drew us together. Facing the outside world without these institutions that built commonality seemed impossible.

And, for better and worse, our cultural institutions have evolved over the past few generations. Neighborhoods that once held strong ethnic or cultural identities have often integrated (read: assimilated) into mainstream society. "Mainstream society" has less cultural identity which can bind together groups and individuals (for reference: The Wages of Whiteness). I know fewer young people who are active in their churches. Workplaces have often been decentralized and personal relationships are often discouraged. All this to say the following: where are young people meant to meet each other?

If you're not interested in crazy lefti-ness you can just go ahead and skip the next paragraph. I'm essentially opining the loss of institutions that once bound communities together. From a profit motive standpoint, strong community associations are not necessarily desirable. Communities, with shared interest and a shared investment in one another's humanity will come together and rally for their common benefit. Individuals feel isolated and helpless, more willing to work for a non-living wage and suffer the loss of healthcare and educational opportunity in silence. The nuclear family, where neighbors are only cordially connected to one another and the basic societal unit essentially is about producing wealth and children, is truly ideal.

But in today's world where physical if not social mobility is relatively high and many people end up far away from the (nuclear) family connections they do have, what options have they for forming relationships? And is the internet such a bad option to fill that void? Does it further cement the death of our already dissolving cultural institutions? Thoughts? Feelings? Good and bad hook up stories? Please, blog-o-sphere, I am at a loss.

optimism is ruining america, or 'I want to believe'

I just got into a little conversation with a friend of mine who honestly believes that his newly found positive outlook on life is changing things for him. Put the bad shit behind you, don't focus on it, move forward. How deliciously American this is, right? We're constantly told to be positive, look on the bright side. Life is what you make of it. Improve yourself and your mind frame. If that doesn't work, Zoloft certainly will.

And this isn't the only conversation where I have been accused of being a cynic, hopeless, depressive, of living too much in my own head. Don't get me wrong, I think there is some real beauty in the world, and I actually WISH I could see the world through some rose colored glasses where I believed in fate and that everything was going to be ok in the end. I want, as it were, to believe. Almost.

The problem with that outlook is that it strips us of our agency, of our power. If everything will be ok, if we just trust fate, or God, or whatever, well then what can WE do to make the world around us better. I only almost want to believe because this world view, to me, is bleak. Isn't the world more beautiful if our relationships are not written by fate but happy accidents that we, ourselves, work to make strong? If happiness isn't something we deserve, isn't a birthright, but rather is something we forge for ourselves? If we believe, truly, that the problems around us aren't put there by fate but are products of an unjust system and can therefore be changed?

It's not a depressed mind that says that the world can be a shitty place. It's a realistic mind. How many kids have died from malaria while I've been writing this lil blog post? How many people have been abused by a spouse, a family member? How many kids are at school right now but not learning?

I'm not advocating for hopelessness, for that, like believing in fate, promotes inertia. But we have to be realistic about the world around us, about the problems, if we can hope to change them.

And fuck self improvement, we make ourselves better through working for our community. This individualistic (and uniquely American, although it's beginning to be globalized) path to happiness is a tool of oppression that keeps people from working for each other. Just do yoga and you'll be fine. Depressed? Take this. Don't even THINK about trying to change the causes of your ennui, the way the world works, and works you. Treat the symptoms and shut up.

The world sucks, but there's solace to be found in making it better and surrounding yourself with people equally committed to the struggle. In this I do believe. Maybe it takes as much faith as believing in God, but without my faith, this faith, that we can do good work for people in the world, I would slip into hopelessness. And that is something I would not survive.

Exceptionally hung over and trying to be a better person

So I haven't been writing much (read: at all) lately and decided to give this here blog another go. Why not? It's good for me!

I am, as the title says, exceptionally hung over. The trying to be a better person bit doesn't have to do with drinking less, believe it or not, but rather has to do with a feeling I have today in spite of my pounding head ache. Cyberworld, I am motivated. Novel, I know. And now, because of this weird feelings, you're stuck reading my blogs again. HA. Gotcha.

I'm going to ease back into it with a short post, just to get the ball rolling, but hopefully by sometime next week I'll have written an op-ed about the ironic motto for my beloved university ("science for the benefit of humanity") and maybe even finished a lil ditty I've been working on about the evils of philanthropy. That's right, evils. Is your breath baited yet, because it certainly should be.

That's all for now, except I would very much like to pass on a handful of interesting articles for the day. Enjoy, happy reading, and keep on me to actually write things here.

Yes this is true and good:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/18/AR2009111803195.html?wpisrc=newsletter


An interesting discussion of constitutional law by a very very conservative man:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/18/AR2009111802697.html?wpisrc=newsletter

Duh:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/18/AR2009111802696.html?wpisrc=newsletter

Also this happened; I have many thoughts:
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474977908764&grpId=3659174697244816&nav=Groupspace

why i won't vote for obama

ok so i'm going to give you all a moment to get over the title of this blog:

no i am not voting for barack obama.

now, don't get me wrong, i'm also not voting for john mccain. and i make no secret of the fact that obama is certainly closer to in line with my politics than is mr. mccain. i am genuinely afraid of another term of republican rule both for my own sake (many good scientists are losing their public funding) and for the general politics of the country. but my problem is that, contrary to what the republicans are trying to make middle america believe, obama is a down the line liberal. he's no radical. he's no william ayers. if only he were.

i think an article from the guardian this summer about sums up how i feel about obama so i won't entirely rehash this issue. obama would be a symbolic change but not necessarily a substative one. now this isn't to say that he doesn't differ from the bush-republicans on important issues, because he does. but obama is a clinton-esque liberal, without doubt. yes he's pushing to roll back the bush tax cuts and give lower-income households a break. yes he's pushing for better (but certainly not universal) health care. but he also lectures parents about raising their children in a disturbingly cosby-esque manner. and his anti-war stance is really anything but.

i'm going to spend a minute on that one, because i do think it's important. yes, obama has been a fierce critic of the war in iraq, and justifiably so. but why, exactly, is he arguing for pulling our troops out of iraq? to send them to Afghanistan of course. fight the 'good' war, the 'correct' war, to 'hunt and kill' bin laden. wait, this is our anti-war candidate?

Afghanistan in my eyes was not, is not and never will be a good war. it's still a neo-colonial project that has more to do with ensuring US hegemony in the region than with fighting terrorism or fighting for human rights (does anyone else find the idea of invading a country because the women are oppressed absolutely ridiculous? because, historically, occupying forces are generally such a positive force in the fight for liberty...). our fight in afghanistan has and will continue to kill civilians. and if recent events (or the cadidates statements, including mr. obama) can be any indication, the war is starting to spread to neighbor countries, magically crossing borders and attacking villages without breaking international law!!!! what if, say, the syrians wanted to stop US from sending planes and bombs to use within THEIR terrority and so decided to blow up strategic weapons pipelines in the us? HMMMMMM?

but to put a pause on my ranting, a vote for obama is, like it or not, still a vote for a halkish and imperial american foreign policy. a vote for obama is still a vote that would enable private insurance companies to reap huge profits by denying appropriate care to working americans. a vote for obama is still a vote for corporate america, a vote for wall street bailouts, a vote for more money spent on defense than on education, and a vote against the true interests of most americans.

but what it comes down to is that i don't believe obama will be a voice for the voiceless, i don't think he will fight for the true silent majority of americans that are truly struggling, the americans that understand that the american dream is no longer a reality, that all too often poverty is passed down from generation to generation.

now, i would like to add a couple of things. first, i want to do nothing to take away from the historic nature of this election and the amazing campaign that obama has run. this is a country that not so long ago still had legal segregation. to potentially have a self-described black man in the highest office would be symbolically unprecedented. and amazing. and inspiring. and i would probably cry, and more than a little.

second, the fact that i'm voting in new york, a state that will go for obama regardless of my vote gives me the freedom to vote my heart. were i in ohio, florida, or even iowa i may be forced to reconsider.

but with the freedom that i have, how could i endorse a neo-liberal agenda for the highest office? a vote may or may not mean that much in this odd two-party indirect democracy that we live under, but it's about the extent of my political agency. shouldn't i use it to say NO to this system that i don't believe in. i want MORE political choices. i want real, substative CHANGE. it's not a revolution, but it's what i can do for now.

finally catching up with my bff amber on the phone tonight (hey amber, welcome to my blog!!!), i said 'you'd think i'd be able to get my life together'.  it's 1:30 am on a thursday night.  tomorrow is halloween, which means a late night with copious amounts of free alcohols [sic].  i have my entire wardrobe and all my bedding in the washer, even though i didn't have any money on my laundry card.  did i ever mention how amazing my roommates are?  i have more than a full day at work tomorrow AND a dentist appointment in the afternoon.  my eyes are getting heavy.  and i haven't yet written in my blog.  

you'd think i'd be able to get my life together.

it's past my bedtime and i'm not sure my thoughts are completely comprehensible, i might have to leave it at that.  but let me just finish up and say that it's amazing how good friends can make you feel grounded.  how they can remind you what you like in yourself, and what you like in them.  how they just get it, how they understand, and listen, and really seem to care.  so i love you and thank you.  

and you'd think i'd be able to get my life together.

any suggestions can be sent to osmundsj@gmail.com

i don't have much time or energy to write and my computer is running out of battery.  i'll do what we all do in such small talk times: imma talk about the weather.  

it's getting cold.

and part of me loves the change.  i get excited about winter and christmas and the cold and warm coffee in the afternoon and watching the sunset from work.  i love wearing scarves and coats and feeling the wind beat through them, just ever so slightly.  

but at times, winter is oh so tough.  it's dark, it's cold, i have a harder time being active and hakim hates it (see monday's post).  it can feel a bit lonely and isolating.  

so, i feel a bit mixed about the change.  and i guess that's part of what i love about fall.  it's refreshing and beautiful but it's also the ultimate season of change.  i love looking back upon the summer and the excitement that it brought, looking forward to the winter and the new life that it will bring, and living in the moment (preferentially with apple cider).  

so since i'm forcing myself to write everyday this week and i don't fully expect anyone to actually read these shit, i'm going to ramble (yet again) on a topic near and dear to my heart.  

it's no great secret that i am obsessed with the musical artist m.i.a.  beyond her sick beats and badass lyrics, she's some one making music that's managed to both hit the mainstream and stay original, novel, and political.  you can't really separate m.i.a.'s music from her biography so i will offer a short one here:

maya was born in london but returned to sri lanka with her family when she was 6 months old.  her father was actively involved in the tamil resistance to the oppressive sri lankan government and her family was forced to move from village to village to escape persecution.  after her school was burned down, maya and her family returned to the uk as political refugees.  she went on to study art, spending long periods of time both in the uk and the us.  

for me, m.i.a.'s music is remarkable in that it reflects the diversity of perspectives that are present within her own biography.  one album takes you from old school hip hop to dancehall to reggaeton and back.  further, the lyrics only serve to reflect both the differences and also the similarities between vastly different peoples and perspectives.  a common thread tends to tie things together: questions of class, oppression and violence.  from 'pull up the people', 'world town' and '20 dollar' with their overt populist messages to more subtle characters like those in 'paper planes' (if you can call it subtle), and 'sunshowers' ("like PLO i don't surrenda"), you see a fierce solidarity with both those in the third world and in the under world of the us and the uk.  

so recently another rapper of sri lankan descent, DeLon, accused m.i.a. of supporting terrorism.  he argues that the tiger imagery present throughout her work implies a support of the LTTE (also known as the tamil tigers, see the connection?), a tamil group currently engaged in a war with the government of sri lanka.  basically the LTTE wants it's own territory in light of the historic and ongoing oppression of the tamil people by the government.  mind you, the LTTE has assassinated foreign politicians and engaged in suicide bombings at home.  and the government has indeed silenced and killed probably hundreds of thousands of tamils and engaged in horrific acts of violence (lets just say that the burning of schools with children inside was not an isolated incidence).  so frankly for some one label the LTTE as terrorist without that label being applied on the acts of the government is at best hypocritical and at worst actively misleading.  

further, to argue that because m.i.a. uses a tiger in her art and even some violent images (she DID grow up in a war zone after all) she is supporting terrorism is certainly out of bounds.  yes her father was/is actively involved in the resistance movement.  so fucking what?  this is the same argument that pigeonholes the entire palestinian people into one huge class of terrorists.  and to argue that m.i.a., who clearly was hugely affected by her childhood, should remain mute or alternatively argue for both sides of the struggle is simply infantile.  she is a musician speaking of her experience, her history, and her life.

most generally sane people have come to m.i.a.'s defense, stating (correctly) that she has denounced the terrorist acts of the LTTE and has absolutely no ties with their association, actual or implied.  her music is not an endorsement of their actions or acts, or even their goals (because i think we can separate the somewhat nobel goal of fighting historic oppression from the tactics often used i.e. suicide bombing).  everyone is just climbing all over themselves to attest to m.i.a.'s impartiality.  

but this is an oversimplification as well, and a harmful one, although it is certainly important for selling albums in the 21st century.  nothing will kill your career like being called a terrorist.  m.i.a. DOES take sides and she comes down squarely on the side of those fighting oppression, those existing and thriving in difficult or impossible circumstances.  here we have a burgeoning mainstream artist making the vast majority of her latest album in third world countries with the participation of kids in villages, local artists and dancers, and even animals (baaa-cock).  to say that m.i.a. is neutral when it comes to this type of struggle (against colonization, both neo- and not so neo, against poverty, against globalization of culture and music) takes away both what makes her so special and powerful.  

m.i.a. is a musician.  she talks a bit about just wanting to make music.  other people label her a freedom fighter.  this may be an over-stretch, but maybe not.  her music in and of itself is fighting to give a voice to the voiceless ("i put people on a map who've never seen a map /  i show them something they've never seen and hope they make it back"), fighting to humanize those that too many view as distinctly "other": those kids you can hear rapping over some 'didge', the woman seducing every man in sight ("my finger tips and the lips do the work / yah", and the hustler ("some some some i murder....").  

i can't think of any higher compliment for an artist: you give a voice to the voiceless.  to hide all this under the veneer of political correctness required to sell albums would be a crime.  so keep doing you gurl, and i can't wait until the next album drops.